Sunday, August 22, 2010

Anyone got a fingernail scrub brush?

I am shimmying through Angel Believes' 30 day challenge ...

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

...Aside from being the asshole that will point out the ending of that line with a preposition.

I'm a dick. I know.

I am on a continual journey to forgive myself for not being perfect.

Over 6 months ago, I started this blog to sort out my feelings about being stretched in 700 directions at once - jack of all trades, master of none. I've used this as my therapy, and then evaluate my journey through real-life therapy.

I take time off work to recharge - and then end up working because I feel like I'm letting people down (even though they would never say that). I feel bad that Babygirl had to be at day care an extra half hour yesterday because of a therapy appointment. The house is a mess, and the last few times it has been really CLEAN is when my husband has done it. (Don't get my wrong, I'm grateful, but still feel bad.)

I exist in a pool of tarry, sticky guilt.

Sometimes, I can crawl out - wash myself off - and appear to be untarred. I still lingers under my finger nails, between my toes, and behind my ears.

I'm getting better. I am now aware that I don't HAVE to be everyone's everything. I'm also learning that I can be doing a magnificent job at being a mom, a wife, a daughter, an employee, a friend, A BLOGGER - and I don't need to be told this every 4 1/2 seconds.

I'm getting there.

2 comments:

The Mommyologist said...

I hear ya...finding a balance can be so tough sometimes and you just have to make sure that you don't forget about "you!"

Heather said...

I have to do the same. We can't be supermom, today's woman is stretched in 700 different directions...its not like our soul purpose is to be Susie Homemaker. Even at that I think Shows like Leave it to Beaver really make us feel messed up for not being perfect.

I'm following you from Bloggy Moms. Would love for you to follow and visit me as well! :)

Mommy Only Has Two Hands!