I'm a sugar-holic, choco-holic, shop-aholic, food-aholic, email-aholic, caffeine-aholic, facebook-aholic, etc etc etc-aholic. Endorphins are my friends. I'd be a work-aholic if I wasn't already so busy with other aholicisms. Of course, I had my hay day with alcohol consumption, but never was addicted to that - the hangovers were too much of a bitch. After a very terrible breakup my sophomore year of college, I tried to start smoking. I literally couldn't do it right - leave it to the 3.5 GPA student to fail at becoming addicted to smoking. Tough break, eh? I'm too paranoid when I'm clear-headed to become addicted to other substances.
What do all of my vices have in common? My ass. Sugar and chocolate make it big. Which makes me depressed - so I shop. Then I realize that I'm like Kim Kardashian and her shop-aholicness except that I'm not a rail and not rich. More depression. More eating. So I take up my time by checking my email and facebook pages 100 times a day. Since no one could possibly send enough email and comments to keep me satiated...I eat while I'm doing that too. Bigger ass. I get heavy and tired. So I drink caffeine to stay awake while continuing the cycle.
Enough with the self-loathing section of this entry. I don't hate myself. I sabotage myself with boxes of donuts (seriously Entenmann's is the devil - the sweet, seductive, can't turn myself away, drool at the thought of it devil), but I don't hate myself. I just know what I like - and find no real reason to starve myself of those things. I can justify each thing I do - sometimes with long, convoluted stories. It's a creative outlet, really.
"It's all about moderation." Whatever. The word moderation was invented by someone who was not impulsive. Yes, I can pour a single serving of candy/coffee/whatever into a bowl and then carry that bowl to the other room to eat it. It makes me burn a few more calories to go refill the bowl until the bag/pot/whatever is gone. I get an idea or taste or need in my head and I can't get past it until I satisfy that need. It may take several days and failed distractions, but I get the necessary fix.
This is why I didn't do a lot of experimenting with drugs. Not because it's illegal, but because I'd be the toothless chick in the cardboard box on the corner in no time. No thanks. I'm much more comfortable sleeping on my pillow-top mattress and the owner of too many purses and love handles. Thank you!
I went on vacation for a week - where I had no access to the internet. I missed it only for a short while, and then I was fine. It was like the proverbial weight had been lifted from my shoulders! Not only that, but because I was a guest in another's house, I couldn't (well shouldn't) ransack the cupboards for sweets. I didn't crave them either! I had so much control that I only bought a sweatshirt (which was necessary because of the cold, I swear, it was cold, and the sweatshirt was pretty, and on sale, and matched my shoes, so so necessary) and no other souvenirs! I came home with enough cash (yes, cash!) in my wallet to stock the fridge when we returned home!
Well, it all went to hell today. I finished off the two bags of candy (gummy bears and peach rings - if you must know) that I purchased and nibbled in the airport on the way home from vacation. I drank Mountain Dew like it was going out of style. *tzzz* I checked facebook every 3 minutes when I started work (at 6am - when no one in their right mind was online). OH and I bought a FREAKING LAPTOP.
Sweetbabyjesus the old me was just hiding here in my office chair all along.
I think I feel my ass getting bigger.