If fashion were music, I'd be tone deaf.

I am not a fashionable person.

It took me 2 years to purchase a pair of capris. I (and my momma ass) are boycotting the stretchy leggings that have reared their ugly heads for a second time in my life. The first time, I was 10 - and rocked the HELL out of them.

I'm all about comfort and function. Pants that are too tight or shoes that squeeze my toes make me all grinchy.

On a typical day, I am dressed in standard jeans and t-shirt - although I've recently updated to a collection of comfy-yet-mature versions of my college tees. I can get dressed up, and if I do - I go all out. Especially when it comes to a professional situation. Luckily, my current job requires that I dress to the nines only a handful of times a year. I can't be expected to iron all the time...

I am all about the sensible shoe. I can wear heels, but they are the chunky late-1990s style. I'm clumsy and fall if the shoes don't have a rubber soul or the heels are too pointy. I prefer boots when I'm dressed up - for several reasons... First, I can wear socks that protect and cushion my feet. Second, they hold my feet better and provide better support. Third, they cover an ankle tattoo that I prefer not to be exposed in professional situations. I prefer to wear hiking boots. I have spent more on hiking boots than on any other type of shoe...with one pair at $190. That is a LOT of money for me to drop on a pair of shoes - but they were worn about 300 days a year. Well worth the durability and support they provided.

My favorite go-to summer shoes are a pair of Teva's that I purchased for a very important day.

Don't EVER question The Gut

Therapy session number two went ok. Why just ok? Well, the therapist was ten minutes late for a session with someone who demands professional appointments happen on time. ON TIME. Way to set up an automatic roadblock, lady! Oh, but she ended it on time. Is she testing me? Is it in the therapist/patient handbook to make the patient want to tackle the therapist for ripping her out of ten minutes? BASTARDS! Aside from a slow start...she came up with the conclusion that I expect too much from myself. That I guilt myself because I cannot accomplish unreasonable goals.

DUH.

Hi, new readers, without reading so much as maybe one or two of my posts -- you could have come to that conclusion.

Fantastic.

Anyway, I leave the office with a little bit (very little bit) of a different perspective, so it's still a win. I get in my car, and pull out of my space. A truck makes a wide turn into the parking lot. Instead of my standard glare, I just pulled my car over further and was on my way.

I don't want to piss off the crazies.

I know I'm the only normal person who would ever be parked in that lot, and I have to be the bigger person or else Mr. Wide Turn would leap out of his truck and undo 4 years of anger management therapy on my face. Be nicey nicey...

I pulled out onto the road and got a feeling. A gut feeling. I normally get gut feelings when I meet people (hello, mister, I know you touch little boys in your free time...getthefuckawayfromme), but I get really edgy when I get the feeling and don't know why.

-- I am not claiming psychic powers or anything like that so move your cursor slowly away from the close button on this window and hear me out. --

I just felt unsafe. Not 100 feet from where I turned out on the lot - two cars bumped coming the other direction and pulled into the gas station to assess the damage.

10 and 2...10 and 2...10 and 2

The gut feeling didn't go away.

Unsafe.

I pull up to a light in the left turn lane, and the door of a van 2 cars ahead of me OPENS. The light was green. The woman gets out just as the car in front of me starts backing up! She looks at her bumper, sneers at the driver who obviously just gave her a love tap, and gets back into her car.

SHIT SHIT

Two bumps in less than one minute!

I was not ok. I still have to go pick up Babygirl from daycare and get the hell home.

I want to call my husband to report the oddity, but know that I cannot risk taking my eyes off the road, and other drivers, and pedestrians, and ... the feeling disappears.

I 10-and-2ed it to the daycare, got Babygirl and got home as fast as I could.

Call it what you want, but I once again my gut was right.

Upstart Blogging

I continue to post as a guest blogger over at Upstart.com

Here is my most recent contribution: http://www.upstartblogger.com/boom-boom-pow

Spinning my wheels

I have many facets of my life.

I'm a mom. A wife. A step-mom. A sister. A daughter, granddaughter, niece. A cousin. A friend. A woman. An employee. A blogger. An entrepreneur. A writer. And none of those.

Recently, my stability has faltered. Rather, my illusion of stability has evaporated. I had established my smoke screen...but time wore it clean away. I have good days and bad. I have chosen to go unmedicated, a choice. My therapist gave me the sideways look when I turned down her offer.

I'm stubborn. I feel like I can pull out of this myself. Get my shit straight and be fine.

95% of each day is usually ok. Go with the flow.

We had a long weekend last weekend, and by the time we got home from driving...I was done. We had no bumps in the road, but apparently pure exhaustion can send me spirialling. Today, I woke up fine. Good night's sleep. Then work, or the lack of work tasks, happened. I'll things I touched turned to shit and froze. Like King Midas's peasant great, great niece whose golden genes were botched and diluted down the line.

Mini panic attacks, inner screams.

I do have positivity to report.

I am now a contributing writer for Upstart! My latest article for fledgling bloggers can be found HERE. This is a fantastic opportunity which appears to be sprouting new, bigger, and better opportunities! This is very exciting!! This is keeping me afloat for the time being. I'm trying to keep my distance today - so it, too, doesn't turn to shit!

Fast food

I am fast food.

Grown from the roots of impulse, empty calories - survival.

I attempt to be wholesome. Kind of like a salad ... bright colors, flashy name, decent flavor ... but, in reality I can be bad for you. How could a salad be bad? Arby's has managed it with their chopped farmhouse crispy chicken salad - 460 calories, 25 grams of fat, 1090 miligrams of sodium (nearly half of the daily recommended 2400 mg) would you like fries with that?

I'm a here and now kind of person.

Bright pictures, meal deals, gimmicky.

Save now, eat here! See, our potatoes are steamy (they totally use wet tampons to make the steam rise in commercials).

I am what I eat (and I assure you, I am NOT tampon potatoes).

This weekend, I sat in front of no fewer than three sqawk boxes shouting an order to teenagers who somehow think they can judge me for pulling outside their little window. We drove over 300 miles, and pulling Babygirl in and out of the car was not an option. I've learned that naptime=drive time.

Do not interrupt the REM cycle because your stomach acid is revolting!!

I know better. I always feel like ass after eating fast food. AL-WAYS. I still do it. It's the impulse. Heaven forbid should I pack a sandwich. I pack all sorts of nutrients into little bpa free containers for Babygirl and then go eat shit myself. What am I thinking?

Anyway, I'm still scrubbing the oil from my pores, and trying to do the math as to the number of Activia packages I'll need to get my morning "rhythm" back in order.

By next weekend, I'll have forgotten all about it.