I am shimmying through Angel Believes' 30 day challenge ...
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
...Aside from being the asshole that will point out the ending of that line with a preposition.
I'm a dick. I know.
I am on a continual journey to forgive myself for not being perfect.
Over 6 months ago, I started this blog to sort out my feelings about being stretched in 700 directions at once - jack of all trades, master of none. I've used this as my therapy, and then evaluate my journey through real-life therapy.
I take time off work to recharge - and then end up working because I feel like I'm letting people down (even though they would never say that). I feel bad that Babygirl had to be at day care an extra half hour yesterday because of a therapy appointment. The house is a mess, and the last few times it has been really CLEAN is when my husband has done it. (Don't get my wrong, I'm grateful, but still feel bad.)
I exist in a pool of tarry, sticky guilt.
Sometimes, I can crawl out - wash myself off - and appear to be untarred. I still lingers under my finger nails, between my toes, and behind my ears.
I'm getting better. I am now aware that I don't HAVE to be everyone's everything. I'm also learning that I can be doing a magnificent job at being a mom, a wife, a daughter, an employee, a friend, A BLOGGER - and I don't need to be told this every 4 1/2 seconds.
I'm getting there.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Lovin' the ladies
I am working through Angel Believes' 30 day challenge to get my blogging juices pumping...
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Of course, you know this is going to be difficult for me because I'm an over-thinker...
But something I love about myself - are my boobs.
I've got great ta-tas. I'll admit it.
Sure, they're a bit saggier than they were 10 years ago, but nothing that a good bra can't fix.
Although they've gotten in the way a time or two...they have served their purpose, and are now retired from service.
They still make me move up one shirt size than I'd prefer, but my current muffin top thanks them for the extra wiggle-jiggle room.
They're good to me, even though they tend to steal the lime-light when I'm at conferences (usually male-dominated in my field of work).
And we've got an agreement where as long as I keep them harnessed comfortably and securely, they promise to not smack my knees when I walk or my face when I run.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Of course, you know this is going to be difficult for me because I'm an over-thinker...
But something I love about myself - are my boobs.
I've got great ta-tas. I'll admit it.
Sure, they're a bit saggier than they were 10 years ago, but nothing that a good bra can't fix.
Although they've gotten in the way a time or two...they have served their purpose, and are now retired from service.
They still make me move up one shirt size than I'd prefer, but my current muffin top thanks them for the extra wiggle-jiggle room.
They're good to me, even though they tend to steal the lime-light when I'm at conferences (usually male-dominated in my field of work).
And we've got an agreement where as long as I keep them harnessed comfortably and securely, they promise to not smack my knees when I walk or my face when I run.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Hate is such a strong word
I am running a little low on topics here lately, and came across Angel Believes 30 day challenge to revamp my juices.
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Wow.
*pausing*
Well, I, uh
*stall stall stall*
When I read this topic as Day 01, I thought -- "hell, where do I begin?" But now that I have a blank page and have to REALLY think about it...
I'd have to go with...
...well... if I say...no no no...
*scratches head*
*looks around*
*sneeeeeeeeerrrrrr*
I'm an over-thinker. I seriously over-think everything.
Example from this morning:
I pick up the pants I laid out yesterday to put on.
My ass looks terrible in these pants. Puts on said pants.
I need a shirt to cover my ass. Selects shirt from closet.
This shirt always wrinkles when I sit in the car. Puts on said shirt.
My bra is going to show when I'm holding Babygirl. Tugs at shirt.
Should I wear a tank underneath? Scans closet.
Screw it. Walks out of closet.
What colors are in Babygirl's outfit? I don't want to match her. Peers around corner at crawling baby.
Well, her leg warmers are pink, but I think it'll be ok. Picks up Babygirl and heads out door.
~~~~~ end daydream sequence ~~~~~~~~~
Can you relate? Have you thought these things? Maybe for a business meeting or family gathering? Yes?
What about for the 2 minutes it takes to drop Babygirl off at daycare and then return home to work?
OVER-THINKER!
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Wow.
*pausing*
Well, I, uh
*stall stall stall*
When I read this topic as Day 01, I thought -- "hell, where do I begin?" But now that I have a blank page and have to REALLY think about it...
I'd have to go with...
...well... if I say...no no no...
*scratches head*
*looks around*
*sneeeeeeeeerrrrrr*
I'm an over-thinker. I seriously over-think everything.
Example from this morning:
I pick up the pants I laid out yesterday to put on.
My ass looks terrible in these pants. Puts on said pants.
I need a shirt to cover my ass. Selects shirt from closet.
This shirt always wrinkles when I sit in the car. Puts on said shirt.
My bra is going to show when I'm holding Babygirl. Tugs at shirt.
Should I wear a tank underneath? Scans closet.
Screw it. Walks out of closet.
What colors are in Babygirl's outfit? I don't want to match her. Peers around corner at crawling baby.
Well, her leg warmers are pink, but I think it'll be ok. Picks up Babygirl and heads out door.
~~~~~ end daydream sequence ~~~~~~~~~
Can you relate? Have you thought these things? Maybe for a business meeting or family gathering? Yes?
What about for the 2 minutes it takes to drop Babygirl off at daycare and then return home to work?
OVER-THINKER!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Redefining "good food"
I can eat nearly anything - if I'm in the right mood. Yes, I crave White Castles, Burger King french fries, fair elephant ears... Crappity crap I really shouldn't ingest. Fast, fried crappity crap.
LORDY...
Last weekend's trip to Michigan was one to bust my waistline. Whew, doggie!
We had pizza. We had biscuits and gravy. We had hand dipped onion rings. We had perch. It was all luscious and filling and caloric nightmares. But real, honest to goodness food.
But...
Best of all.
Of everything.
Of anything I've eaten in the last several years.
Were our CREPES!
Crepes from Pierre Anne in New Buffalo, Michigan. A little house-turned restaruant that you miss (4 or 5 times over) if you don't know what you're looking for (aim for the 5/3 bank parking lot). We sat on the veranda - and couldn't believe our eyes, noses, or tongues when these were delivered to our table.
Savory....(beef stroganoff crepe)
and sweet...(crepe a la Pierre Anne)
Holy groaning, moaning, throw your head back and say "AMEN" goodness.
Ahhhhhh!!
LORDY...
Last weekend's trip to Michigan was one to bust my waistline. Whew, doggie!
We had pizza. We had biscuits and gravy. We had hand dipped onion rings. We had perch. It was all luscious and filling and caloric nightmares. But real, honest to goodness food.
But...
Best of all.
Of everything.
Of anything I've eaten in the last several years.
Were our CREPES!
Crepes from Pierre Anne in New Buffalo, Michigan. A little house-turned restaruant that you miss (4 or 5 times over) if you don't know what you're looking for (aim for the 5/3 bank parking lot). We sat on the veranda - and couldn't believe our eyes, noses, or tongues when these were delivered to our table.
Savory....(beef stroganoff crepe)
and sweet...(crepe a la Pierre Anne)
Holy groaning, moaning, throw your head back and say "AMEN" goodness.
Ahhhhhh!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Get the Bug
This story is from a few years ago... it's a classic and had to be reincarnated here for you all to enjoy!
...in the bathroom getting ready to go to bed last night. It was dark in the rest of the upper level of the house. Just the bathroom light casting shadows into our bedroom across the hall.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow move in the bedroom.
At first, I dismissed it as our 80lb boxer/lab, Maya, but I realized that she had not budged from her resting place when I came up the stairs.
And there it was again - a shadow at eye level moving in my room. I leaned out of the light of the bathroom to get a better view, and it went by again...
A BAT! A HUGE FUCKING BAT!
Keep in mind that I had spent the last 2 summers working on a bat program to get the public to accept the little creatures as a part of nature...
but not in my BEDROOM!
I screamed to the hubs, "There's a bat up here!" He came darting up the stairs.
(I later found out that he thought that I said "there's a MAN up here!" and came to learn that with his previous experience with indoor bats that he would have taken much longer than he did to come up the stairs.) :)
He and Maya came up the stairs slowly as the bat zipped in large circles in the room, making a pass in front of the door about once every 5 or 10 seconds.
At first reaction, we decided to lock Maya in the second bedroom to keep her out of the way. Hubs stood with the door cracked to get the pattern of the bat, but it was moving too fast. We then decided to allow Maya to do her thing.
For those of you that don't know, Maya holds her own in the house by catching the bugs that sneak in because we have to let her out to go potty. The command is "get the bug" and she glazes her eyes, and, for the most part, succeeds in catching and eating or slobbering up the insect. Well, we thought that this would be an awesome bug for her to catch - I don't think she was about to correct us on the proper classification of the zooming animal.
By this time, we had the bedroom light on (which also turns on the ceiling fan). Maya was released...she chased it around a little. This disoriented the bat enough to cause it to bump into the ceiling fan, but it was hardly phased. Maya quickly lost interest and decided that she wanted to wrestle with Hubs instead (still quite the puppy). Maya's shift in the bedroom was over.
Again locked in the other bedroom, she whined as Hubs ventured into the room to trap a resting bat - to no avail. One of the wings of this bat was the length from the tip of my pinky finger to the tip of my thumb. A freaked out bat who just wants out and is being chased in instant sunlight was quite confused and a close encounter was not desired by either of us. (I already had plans to sleep in the other bedroom or living room if we couldn't get it.) He hurried back out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Back to the original stance, Hubs had the door open trying to catch the bat's pattern, and all of the sudden there was no bat!
SHIT! Where is it?
Hubs said that it flew past the door toward the wall and never came back into the middle of the room. Hubs, armed with a butterfly net, and I, with a towel over my head, began to carefully search slightly cracked drawers, behind the dresser, under the table...NO BAT!
So we called in the dog..."get the bug!" Because the bat was no longer flying, she began to pursue a fly - good dog?
Well anyway, Hubs and I spread to the rest of the room searching under the bed, inside lampshades, and behind the blinds.
Still, no bat.
Maya had now become enthrawled with her bed. It was way past her bedtime and with less-than-hinting sighs before this event - she had announced this downstairs.
She began to fluff her pillow - something that my other dogs have done, but not her - strange.
She began to sniff beneath it, and I picked the pillow up to see - nothing - stupid dog.
I continued my search...maybe it is behind the tv. Maya was still messing with the pillow. I looked closer, and along the wall (right where my hand had grabbed the pillow seconds before) a bat "thumb" was reaching up and tucking back just as Maya would strike!
Good Dog, Smart Dog, "GET THE BUG!"
The bat, thoroughly exhausted ended up in the middle of the floor. Maya, a kind and playful dog, nudged the bat, but did not attack. Hubs, on the other hand, pushed Maya out of the way and trapped it.
It was safely released outside, and it flew away.
As always, there is a happy ending, Maya got a cookie for getting her bug, I got to sleep in my bed, Hubs got to get me to stop screaming like a chick in a horror flick, the bat flew away!!
Oh, what a night!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Follow-up: Today is my beloved Maya's 8th birthday (she was 2 or 3 when the above story occurred). She's been by my side through thick and thin. Now, she lays passed out beneath my feet in the cool breeze of the air conditioner.
...in the bathroom getting ready to go to bed last night. It was dark in the rest of the upper level of the house. Just the bathroom light casting shadows into our bedroom across the hall.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow move in the bedroom.
At first, I dismissed it as our 80lb boxer/lab, Maya, but I realized that she had not budged from her resting place when I came up the stairs.
And there it was again - a shadow at eye level moving in my room. I leaned out of the light of the bathroom to get a better view, and it went by again...
A BAT! A HUGE FUCKING BAT!
Keep in mind that I had spent the last 2 summers working on a bat program to get the public to accept the little creatures as a part of nature...
but not in my BEDROOM!
I screamed to the hubs, "There's a bat up here!" He came darting up the stairs.
(I later found out that he thought that I said "there's a MAN up here!" and came to learn that with his previous experience with indoor bats that he would have taken much longer than he did to come up the stairs.) :)
He and Maya came up the stairs slowly as the bat zipped in large circles in the room, making a pass in front of the door about once every 5 or 10 seconds.
At first reaction, we decided to lock Maya in the second bedroom to keep her out of the way. Hubs stood with the door cracked to get the pattern of the bat, but it was moving too fast. We then decided to allow Maya to do her thing.
For those of you that don't know, Maya holds her own in the house by catching the bugs that sneak in because we have to let her out to go potty. The command is "get the bug" and she glazes her eyes, and, for the most part, succeeds in catching and eating or slobbering up the insect. Well, we thought that this would be an awesome bug for her to catch - I don't think she was about to correct us on the proper classification of the zooming animal.
By this time, we had the bedroom light on (which also turns on the ceiling fan). Maya was released...she chased it around a little. This disoriented the bat enough to cause it to bump into the ceiling fan, but it was hardly phased. Maya quickly lost interest and decided that she wanted to wrestle with Hubs instead (still quite the puppy). Maya's shift in the bedroom was over.
Again locked in the other bedroom, she whined as Hubs ventured into the room to trap a resting bat - to no avail. One of the wings of this bat was the length from the tip of my pinky finger to the tip of my thumb. A freaked out bat who just wants out and is being chased in instant sunlight was quite confused and a close encounter was not desired by either of us. (I already had plans to sleep in the other bedroom or living room if we couldn't get it.) He hurried back out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Back to the original stance, Hubs had the door open trying to catch the bat's pattern, and all of the sudden there was no bat!
SHIT! Where is it?
Hubs said that it flew past the door toward the wall and never came back into the middle of the room. Hubs, armed with a butterfly net, and I, with a towel over my head, began to carefully search slightly cracked drawers, behind the dresser, under the table...NO BAT!
So we called in the dog..."get the bug!" Because the bat was no longer flying, she began to pursue a fly - good dog?
Well anyway, Hubs and I spread to the rest of the room searching under the bed, inside lampshades, and behind the blinds.
Still, no bat.
Maya had now become enthrawled with her bed. It was way past her bedtime and with less-than-hinting sighs before this event - she had announced this downstairs.
She began to fluff her pillow - something that my other dogs have done, but not her - strange.
She began to sniff beneath it, and I picked the pillow up to see - nothing - stupid dog.
I continued my search...maybe it is behind the tv. Maya was still messing with the pillow. I looked closer, and along the wall (right where my hand had grabbed the pillow seconds before) a bat "thumb" was reaching up and tucking back just as Maya would strike!
Good Dog, Smart Dog, "GET THE BUG!"
The bat, thoroughly exhausted ended up in the middle of the floor. Maya, a kind and playful dog, nudged the bat, but did not attack. Hubs, on the other hand, pushed Maya out of the way and trapped it.
It was safely released outside, and it flew away.
As always, there is a happy ending, Maya got a cookie for getting her bug, I got to sleep in my bed, Hubs got to get me to stop screaming like a chick in a horror flick, the bat flew away!!
Oh, what a night!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Follow-up: Today is my beloved Maya's 8th birthday (she was 2 or 3 when the above story occurred). She's been by my side through thick and thin. Now, she lays passed out beneath my feet in the cool breeze of the air conditioner.
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