Thanks 80's and 90's, now I need Botox because of a hair style faux pas

I'm a child of the 80's and 90's.

With that statement, you can accurately assume several things:

• I can tight-roll a pair of jeans like nobody's business.
• I can "scrunch" curl into otherwise stick straight hair.
• I have stuffed double layers of socks into Keds decorated with puffy paint.
• When mentioned, a bat wing has nothing to do with a furry, flying mammal.
  

I recently chopped my hair off. It is not an original act for a new momma to realize that hair down to her shoulder blades is just asking for a tangled fight with drooly, sticky hands. It's like a moth in a spider web - the more you struggle, the more entangled you become. So, it's gone. Off. Like it will grow out to be chin-length. I don't screw around folks.

Every once in a while, like about as often as Haley's Comet swings by, I leave the house. In theory, I can blow dry this hairstyle into perfection. Of course, that gets blown out of the water when I have to jump straight from the shower into momma mode and my hair dries before I can do anything with it.

I've resorted to pulling out the curling iron for assistance. The big barreled curling iron I've used for years doesn't work with short hair, so I've been forced to pull out an antique. The curling iron with which I perfected bang art in 1990.

Ahhh...I can hear the crisp of hairspray soaked hair frying now!

Luckily, this current hairstyle allows me to tuck - or pin - my bangs away from my face. You see, this particular curling iron has a curious magnetism to my forehead. On dozens - if not hundreds - of occasions I ended up burning a line into the center of my forehead. I have several yearbook photos that can vouch for this.

I'm convinced that it is this repetitive scorching of my forehead that has caused my forehead to wrinkle at an early age. It is absolutely not the hours spent tanning or the semi-annual face burn that peels to a supple pink. No way is it from obsessively worrying about things out of my control or genetics.

It must be a result of the chemical reaction between Aqua Net and skin when exposed to extreme heat.

The memories just come alive each time I pull out that hairspray encrusted appliance!

(Just keep that thing away from my face...)