If you were to paint my thoughts - they'd look like a Jackson Pollock painting - or a park bench under a mulberry bush

What if someone could record the stream of consciousness that is in my head for a single day? If that technology becomes available - they'll need to make room for me at the loony bin. My family would surely have me committed.

I think it would be a neat experiment to record the topics of my thoughts for a day - just to see the general trend of my craziness. Of course I don't have time to brush my hair, so I likely won't have time to actually run the experiment. I hypothesize from experience that 95% of my thoughts fall into the following categories:

• Excretions - mainly from the baby, some from the dogs, some from me and the rest of the family
• Teething and related teething symptoms. It seriously bugs me that my little one is running a fever and has a snotty nose because she'll be sprouting a tooth one month from now. I think about that a lot.
• My next Facebook status. I spend too much time trying to think of the next coy little blurb of my life to share with the world.
• Work listing. I'm a "To Do" girl. I need my lists of what I need to get done. Unfortunately, the making of the list tends to take longer than the tasks therein. It's a horrible cycle.
• Food. I loves me some grub. Food comes in two categories: (1) the food that I will eat that is available in my home and (2) what I would eat if I could get my hands on it (donuts are always on this list. Always).
• Dates/Plans. What did I say I'd do for (fill in the blank) this weekend? What is today's date - oh shit - it's (fill in the blank)'s birthday - no time for Hallmark I'll give him/her a call. When is the next doctor's appointment - where did I put the card for the doctor's appointment - oh well the doctor calls the day before the appointment...
  
• Wishes/Shouldas. I shoulda started work when I got up instead of goofing around with font on my website for 2 hours...I wish I had taken the time yesterday to clean my desk off...Shit, It's 11pm, I wish I had called (fill in the blank) for his/her birthday...I shoulda done the laundry so I didn't have to sit here covered in spit up for the next 2 hours (loops to excretion bullet). I don't hang on these for long, but they pop up throughout a day. Wish in one hand and shit in the other....

My favorite - the one that takes precedent over all others - the reason I have no time in my day and huge dark circles under my eyes.

• How happy being a mom makes me. Through the tears, squirts, snot, gags, glances, giggles, and stares - I wouldn't trade a second of my chaos for a life without my kid.

Ha! I should have given I "mushy moment" warning! - I guess that thought lands in the "shoulda" category!