The ever-coveted list of stuff to have at home AFTER you have the baby...

When I got pregnant, I found lots and lots of lists for preggos.

What to register for...

Essential nursery items...

What to pack in your hospital bag...

What to pack in your diaper bag...

These are some things that were conveniently omitted from those lists...

1. The sizes "newborn" and "0-3 months" are quite different. Bring both options to the hospital for-bring-me home wear.
2. Pack your phone charger - you'll be in that room for what seems like an eternity before AND after the baby is born. Lots of "hey, I'm going to Tweet/Facebook/MMS this picture" time.
3. Nursery needs its own can of air freshener. One raunchy diaper on a sleeping baby can stink up the joint for days.
4. Register for less baby towels, more real towels. Babies get big fast - and those paper-thin towels just don't cut it after 2 months.
5. You can NEVER have too many bibs, washcloths, wipes, rattles, onsies or burp rags. You CAN have too many receiving blankets, NB baby shoes, teeny tiny diapers.

Also, no one ever showed me a list of things that I needed to have on hand when I got HOME from the hospital. Below are my notes, but check with your hospital to see what their discharge checklist ususally recommends. The last thing you want to do is wait in the car (invariably oozing something onto the seat) with 2-day-old baby freezing/sweating/crying/slumping while hubby does the Supermarket sweep.

Things you need waiting for you when you get home from the hospital:

• Tucks pads - if you've escaped the need for them prior to birth, you're going to fall in love with these cool, soothing discs. Yes, they climb your ass. Yes, you get used to it.
• Pads - not pantyliners, PADS. Like holyshitmyuterusjustslippedthefuckout pads. The longer, the thicker, the better. You aren't interested in doing your sexy hip-swinging step anyway - get the mattresses.
• Ice packs - whoa, Nellie. Whether you are breast feeding or not, your tatas are going to turn into rock solid, oozing masses of heat. Get SOFT icepacks - gels. There are some that are designed for boobies that are refreezable. Also you can get Soothies pads that stick to your nips. This may or may not be a good thing depending on how nursing is going. I loved them at first and then hated them.
• Nipple cream - for those who are choosing not to breast feed, any need for relief from leakage is fine with the lanolin that they give you in the hospital. Breastfeeding moms, heed my warning. Lanolin is sticky. Play with it. ST-ICK-Y. It sticks to your fingers and is hard to spread (read: hurts to spread). Your breast pads stick, your bra sticks, your shirt sticks. While the bottle (of my Lansinoh lanolin) says that it does not have to be removed prior to breast feeding...uh...your baby sticks. Nothing like trying to get the perfect latch when his/her lips can't move properly. YUCK. I had lovingly recommended to me - and I pass the secret on to you - NIPPLE BUTTER (see my review here). Yes, it is just as fun to use as it is to say. nipplebutternipplebutternipplebutter. It is water-soluble and nipple friendly. The tiny jar is pricey, but in 10 months, I only used half of my jar.
  
• Breast pads - diaper those titties. That milk's gonna go somewhere, and it's likely to be through your bra and into a wet, undeniable ring on your shirt, sheet, whatever. I used Lansinoh disposable breast pads (they are thinner and flatter than other options I tried), but you can get reusable ones if that's more your flavor.
• Yogurt - Say what? YO-GURT. This is A BIGGIE! When in the hospital, it is likely that you will be on some sort of antibiotic at some point during your stay. Me, after my explod-a-birth, I was on a hefty dose. I came home and resumed my normal (ha) life until one day, my body revolted. Apparently, the antibiotics cleared out the good, the bad, and the ugly microbes in my system. The ugly recolonized the barren landscape and sent me into a heaving, puking, sweating, shitting pile of sob-tasticness with a 2 week old baby in my arms. NOT COOL. Probiotics, baby.
• Vitamins - check with your doctor in one of the gazillion check-ups you have pre-baby and find out what you need waiting for you when you get home!! I was recommended Vit C and Iron.
  

Ok, now share this with the masses! Go, spread the word!! Shoo Shoo!!

One Time At Band Camp

So you remember that girl that sat next to you in English class in high school? You know, the one with the big hair bows 5 years after they went out of style. The one who wore too much pink and never was quite proportional in build. The one that was the first to class, sitting prim and proper, and knew all the answers when called upon.

Yeah, she was getting some when you weren't.

See my post on Upstart for details: http://www.upstartblogger.com/one-time-at-band-camp

You know you can't resist!

Yelling from the back of a wooden horse - never a better moment

My mom and I started a new tradition a few years ago.

Each mother's day, I come up with some place for us to go, something for us to do. Just us (well, and now, with Babygirl). First we went to a winery about 2 hours away and then stayed in a state park. Last year, she and (a very pregnant) I drove out to Virginia together and stayed with her brother and family (and piggy-backed a work meeting for me in there). This year, with the three of us headed to southwestern Michigan.

The visit was great, the weather was hot, the food was nothing less than superb. All. Of. It.

As anything else in my existence, the trip mainly revolved around Babygirl's eating/sleeping times, but that did not hinder us from going where we wanted to go. We ate at a fantastic European restaurant in New Buffalo (post coming soon to a blog near you), Google Maps failed us twice with directions, we got lost in Benton Harbor, we visited Silver Beach, we swam at the hotel, we went to the Blueberry Festival in South Haven, we talked and ate and laughed and had a great time.

A perfect snapshot of the whole weekend was at the carousel at Silver Beach. I didn't know what she would think when we walked into the building. The carousel was still, and children were perched on horses calling out their newly given names.

Babygirl had seen nothing like it. Her eyes were big as blue saucers as music started and the horses on poles started to slowly move up and then down and then out of sight.

We HAD to ride.

I scrounged up the quarters out of the bottoms of various bags necessary to pay for the $2 token. To pay, we had to stand beside the antique band organ that provided music for the ride. The noise overwhelmed Babygirl's ears, and she began to cry...as I turned shiny token in hand.

We moved quickly away from the band organ, and she recovered - watching the carousel come to a halt.

She and I climbed on. She held on to the gilded pole with her plump little fingers. She released her left hand (only momentarily) to wave to Gramma waving from the sidelines. She waited. I held her still, but she was securely perched.

Then it began. Up. Down. UP. DOWN. Faster and faster. Her mouth was locked in her "pensive" face as she watched her formerly stationary surroundings whiz by. Then we passed the band organ on the far side of our revolution. She turned to me as the music became loud ... and then soft. She smiled.

She watched Gramma fly by.

Then the music again.

Then a smile.

Then Gramma.

Then the music. But this time, once she registered that music was loud she yelled - nearly a quarter revolution too late. Not a mad yell. Not angry. Just "I can be as loud as you".

Then Gramma.
Then quiet.
Then music.
Then yelling.
Then Gramma.
Then quiet.
Then music.

The standing crowd laughing at this baby yelling with the face of a choir boy figurine.

Then Gramma.
Then quiet.
Then music.
Then yelling.

Around and around. Until we slowed to a silent stop.

A pure, simple activity made magical by seeing it through the eyes of a 10 month old.

Operation Weight-loss Update - 15 weeks from the big 3-0:
15.5 lbs from goal weight. Worked out this morning after a weekend full of indulgence and 2 weeks worth of caloric intake. Just did stretching dvd...as to not jiggle myself sore as I did last week doing plyometrics.

Evolution hasn't brought us as far as we thought

I took Babygirl to the zoo with a few friends today. It was hotter than sin, and before we made it through the front gates - I was sweating through my shirt AND shorts. Gross.

Some animals were hiding in the shade, unwilling to perform for the crazy two-leggeds gawking at them through the fence. Others were out moseying around, sluggish and cursing the unrelenting sun.

As my friends herded their older children to see animals that Babygirl couldn't really see (sleeping rhinos look like rocks), I walked ahead seeking shade. The baboon exhibit was where I found my refuge.

The primates were moving around in between the huge rocks in their exhibit - enjoying the shade. Just a few feet from us was a baby baboon playing on the ground. It would hop back and forth - playing with what was obviously an imaginary friend.

All of the sudden, he scampered over to the male baboon that had made himself comfortable in the corner of the exhibit. The baby climbed up onto the male's chest and mimicked the "get you" play that Babygirl and I do.

The male, in one fluid motion, swiped the baby from his chest and slung him under his arm. He deliberately raced over to the female baboon sitting about 20 feet away (minding her own damn business), shoved the baby into her arms and then darted into the shadows.

She gently - but in a disengaged way - carried the baby to play in the corner where the male had been sitting, and tried to keep the little one busy - and confined.

We made eye contact.

And shrugged.

Bill Cosby would be proud of this jiggle...

HOLY SHIT.

I worked out! I did it!

I managed to motivate myself, put down the bag of cheetos, and after licking my fingers clean of their orange tinge...I WORKED OUT!

That's the huge speed bump I've been struggling to cross.

I was goofing around on Twitter and @missbritt tweeted the following:

Battling weight loss/fitness slump? Be inspired by @floatingprncess -AWESOME post: http://ow.ly/2ndDJ

I followed the link - and it kicked me square in the ass.

After commenting, following and a little blog stalking - I and my kicked ass went into the bedroom and tossed a P90X dvd into the machine. Not just any P90X - the Plyometrics dvd.

Sweetbabywrappedinawarmblanketjesus! AM I SORE!!

Not the "I just got jumped in a dark alley when I was hung over after crying and vomiting all day" sore. The "Man, I feel good about myself, but I'm afraid of stopping because I might turn to stone" sore. The dark alley sore is for tomorrow when I can't sneeze without shitting myself.

Some things I noticed.

1. There is a fun house mirror hanging in my bedroom. There is now way that tubby half-naked chick watching me workout and sneering in disgust was actually me.
2. I jiggle - like all over - like so hard it hurts - jiggle. Can I wear Spanx to workout?
3. Um, this is the first serious, serious, serious workout since Babygirl was born (ahem, 10 months ago) and I am more aware of my pelvic floor than any person should ever be when they aren't 9 months preggo...eww. Good news, I don't pee when I jump! Thank you post third degree tear repair surgery...
   
4. There is no "land lightly" even though the instructor said it repeatedly on the video - the whole house shook as I lurched around.

I am actually planning on taking a "before" picture. I had no idea I had gotten SO bad. It's not just the weight - it's where and how I'm carrying the weight. I need to see this picture and have a constant reminder why I'm NOT eating an entire tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls all by myself (like I did on Saturday)...

Anyway, I'm going to make noises that are reserved for death and orgasm any time I move tomorrow - but it was totally worth it!!

Skinny me, look out because here I come!